she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
