i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
