I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
