You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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