Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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