happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
