If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
