how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
