During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
