Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
