I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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