i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
