sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
