how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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