no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
