We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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