Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
