he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
