when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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