apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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