That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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