please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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