I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
