sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
