I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
