and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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