I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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