come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
