Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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