Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
