Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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