Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
