Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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