oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
