I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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