He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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