you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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