I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
