i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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