and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
