also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
