you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
