i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my liver is dry heaving
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
