So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
