so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
