Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
