apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
