Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
