I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
