Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
