Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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