thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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