as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
