I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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