woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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