Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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